Inappropriate crush: One Direction.

Posted: December 7, 2010 in X Factor
Tags: , , , , , ,

We’re at the pointy end of this year’s X Factor, with only four acts, and one performance show to go – otherwise knows as The Final!! Apparently it’s going to be a four hour extravaganza, as this year there are 4 acts instead of 3. Which means a extra guest celebrity duet, an extra epic cheesy ballad, and four versions of the winners’ song.

So who’s going to take it out this year? Firstly, let’s discount Cher. Bottom two last week, and just not the cup of tea of enough people to get her over the line. There is only so far a rap bit in the middle can get you, and sometimes her hair is so big that I think it will snap her little neck like a twig.

Then there are Rebecca and Matt. Rebecca Ferguson is the favourite of all the people who think they are above the X Factor, but watch it anyway. They all think she’s amazing. Plus she’s got the single mum backstory thing, and she seems genuinely lovely. But frankly, if you ask me, I find her a little dull. Sure, she’s got a voice on her, but she just stands there, occasionally raising her hands. Like a robot. A pretty, stylish robot, but animatronic none-the-less. To me, I just don’t think all the ballads and “doing it for my kids” will be enough to beat the “hot boy factor” she is up against.

First, Matt Cardle, who Mums and daughters around the UK are swooning for, and apparently sneaking into the utility cupboard to secretly vote for. And I must admit, I really like Matt. I had a massive crush on him at boot camp, and I think he is interesting and talented, and seems like a genuinely nice bloke. I would definitely sleep with him. But can he win it? I think he’ll be in the final two, and there will be a tense moment when we all think he might actually take the prize, but I just don’t think he’ll quite get there.

Why? Because the evil genius that is Simon Cowell has created the ultimate X Factor winning weapon. Who mostly watches and votes for the X Factor? Teenage girls. Who starts online fan clubs, stands outside the X Factor house, and buys tickets to the X Factor tour. Teenage girls. So Cowell scoured the 1000s of auditionees, and picked the 5 cutest teenage boys I think I have ever seen. And for some reason, they look really good together, and can sing well enough that there is almost no way that they won’t win this thing.

Think about it. Lloyd Daniels got to the top 5 and he could hardly sing, “Eggnogg” Quigg got to third, despite Ireland not being allowed to vote. And the fact his head looked a bit like a potato. JLS almost got there, and have gone on to have a massive career. Cowell has taken all these lessons, and created a pop marketers dream.

But I think the real thing about One Direction, is that it’s not just teenage girls who love them. I am about 13 years older than they are, and against all my better judgement, I adore them! I watch the X Factor from back in Australia now, and when I don’t get up early and stream it live, I watch the videos individually on Youtube. So it has been very easy for me to establish my preferences – and I always watch One Direction first. Sometimes twice.

And let’s be honest. They might not be the most talented singers in the world, but they’re not terrible. They’re always in tune, and probably vocally stronger than any other group that has been on the show. Cos remember, Aston took the lead vocals for JLS in the end, but One Direction share it around. They’re lucky to have Liam Payne – who I was sad to see not get a chance as a solo performer, after his amazing audition – who always starts them off confidently, but now Harry Styles is really hitting his stride as the wailing heartthrob, and Zayn Malik is taking his place as the smooth, moody, husky voiced one. I think it’s only Louis Tomlinson who hasn’t had a solo (Niall Horan has had a couple, and fills the blonde quota), but watch any of their video diaries (and I’m ashamed to say I have) and you can tell why he’s there. He’s the funny one.

Oh why! Why why am I inexplicably drawn to their little haircuts and cheeky smiles? Why do I know all their names?! It’s wrong! They’re about 16, and still in high school! But I love them. And mark my words, win or lose, this won’t be the last you hear of them. Bedroom walls will bear their little faces. Girls will scream and faint. Marketing genius will prevail.

PS. Ok, they came third! A real surprise for me. Who knew that Mum’s were voting more than teenage girls? Still, it won’t make any difference, One Direction will still be huge. And maybe when they turn 18 I’ll feel less guilty for thinking they’re so cute!


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